Kisses Sweeter Than Wine

This is a line from an old Pete Seeger song. I think of it when Izzy gives me kisses except I don't like wine. So maybe it is kisses sweeter than chocolate. I think of all the things I took for granted with Sam and now have to teach E. Sam was bonded and attached before he was born. He nursed and cuddled and wanted to be held. We have had to teach E that we are her parents and we love her. We have had to teach her how to be held, how to snuggle and that bottles are better when you are held close in your parent's arms, not lying flat on your back in your crib. Sam knew from birth that at every cry or whimper we would come and take care of him. E had not known that, but she is quickly learning. Because she spent the first 15 months with out being attended to right away I feel I should not let her cry too much. I probably go to her way quicker than I did with Sam. I just feel bad for her first 15 months. Today a girlfriend told me to just let her whine and she will learn not to. I just can't though.

It is just so different with an adopted baby. So much of what I knew is out the window. Sam is six. Before I had Sam I worked in daycare, after Sam and even now I work as a nanny. I know how to take care of kids of all ages ,but it is so different with E. She brings a whole new set of issues to the table. She is wonderful, funny, beautiful and exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I have a newborn, not a toddler for all her needs. I feel guilty for being tired and wanting a break. After all I wanted her and worked so hard to bring her home.

In the end I must be doing something right, she is very attached to me. She always wants me to hold her, leans back to me if someone else has her and wants to be held close. She puts her arms around my neck and holds on tight. She also has started giving kisses. She puckers her little lips, it is so sweet. She will kiss Daddy, Sammy and me. The other day she kissed Grammy! That made her day! I imagine as she gets more comfortable she will loosen her grip on me. For now though I am exhausted and my back and arms ache, but I still want to hold on to her just as tight as she is holding on to me.