Christmas Eve we went out for dinner with my parents before church. The waitress was really taken by E and how cute she was. Sam too, was a real charmer that night. It is pretty obvious that she is adopted. My parents gushed about how this was her first Christmas here and all that. The waitress goes into this thing about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, about what great people they are because they have adopted children from other countries and they are such good people for that. Then she goes on to say that David and I are just as good of people because we adopted E and rescued her. These conversations always make me really uncomfortable and I never know how to respond. I think I said something like, it is really different for normal people to adopt, or thanks. The truth is, we wanted a daughter. We wanted another child. We were not motivated by these altruistic tendencies of wanting to rescue a child from a bad situation. We wanted two kids, we wanted a girl, we wanted a relatively healthy child and we wanted to go to a country with a good adoption process and China fit those criteria. Yes, E benefits from our desires and yes she is in a better place and yes we got her out of a not so great place. We all win. But, really, the process started because we wanted a daughter, not to rescue a child. Now I am not sure of the motivations of celebrities. I don't know them or their situations. I do know they seem to sail through the process in such a short time, unlike those of us who struggle through the process for years. Money can be a useful thing.
So, there it is, my selfish confession. I need to think of a good comeback the next time someone compares me to Angelina Jolie. Like, "Yes, I know I am beautiful just like her". Or, "no, I am not like Angelina, my husband is much more handsome." Or, "thank you, I did it all for the good press it brought me too.". Or, I could respond like I did to the waitress, "Can I have the fish fry and a Pepsi?"
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Rachel,
I am not too good at clever come-backs either. They probably don't do much good anyway.
But I want to affirm you and your motives, and much as possible remove any sense of needing to "confess" because you weren't looking to "rescue" a child. If you go back the the beginning of this blog and read your own "why China" copy, I think you will find plenty of positive, self-less motivation (whether anybody calls it altruism or not).
Just like we knew that David's graduations represented a more challenging achievement than Jon's, I know that for "ordinary people" to adopt calls for much more than it does for celebrities (or even "ordinary people" who happen to have money). We are proud of your achievement, your persistence, your faith, your vision, your love, your work that you invested in bringing Elizabeth into your family (and ours).
I can't evaluate the motives of celebrities (or anyone else for that matter), but purity of heart (see Kierkegaard "to will one thing") is much more difficult for those in the public arena. At one level they can bring attention to important issues, but they can also bring unreality to painful difficulties.
I guess I kind of liked your "But my husband is more handsome than Brad Pitt" come back. Maybe the best think is just to be so comfortable, so joyful, so thankful with/for Elizabeth that all you have to say is something like, "She's brought deep joy to us."
I hope I don't sound like I'm giving advice. I was so moved by this post that I just couldn't resist responding with all the affirmation I could muster.
Love,
Dad
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