Wednesday April 2, 2008

Today we went back to Wuxi to the orphanage where Elizabeth had been. It was very emotional for us. She was fine though. The facility is huge and very nice. They showed us the class rooms that could have been a room in a preschool anywhere in America. Then they showed us the room where they sleep, first the older children and then our younger ones. I am glad it was nap time and we could not really see the kids. I think to see the faces of the babies that are not going home would have been very hard. We looked in the window and saw all the cribs, they said Elizabeth’s was the first one, the empty one, I just started crying. I thought of her 15 months in that crib and now it was empty. All the caregivers came out to see the babies. At first I was really reluctant to hand her to them, it was almost an uncontrollable grasp I had on her. I looked at David and he said it was ok. Somehow I loosed my grasp of her. The caregivers were so happy to hold her again and hug and kiss her. She was happy with them, but kept her eyes on me. Then when it was time to go, I took her back and held her even tighter, and she was fine leaving; she came right to me, and we left. They had a wonderful lunch prepared for us and then we went back to the meeting room. The director thanked us and wished us well with our babies. He told us to come and visit when they are older. We presented him with our gifts. They loved the blankets our church made. They were very touched. Anna, our facilitator, translated to them that our church made them especially for the babies and they were so pleased. Then we started the long ride home. It was over two hours there and back. Too long on a bus made for smaller people. David and Dad are out getting massages now. I’ll post on that tomorrow.

Every minute with Elizabeth is different. Little by little she is coming out of her shell and showing us more and more of who she is. Last night she was not feeling very well and was crying out and wanted us to comfort her. We were so happy that she was actually crying and wanted comfort from us. At first she just had her own comforting; she would suck her fingers and rub her hair. She would not cry. She seemed ambivalent in a way or sort of blank. Now she is showing pleasure and displeasure. Yesterday afternoon she was trying stand up at the chair and fell backward and hit her head. Then she actually cried and I picked her up and comforted her and she kept crying for the comforting. We were all crying because she was showing such emotion. Then she needed us at night and we loved it. It is like a veil is coming down or layers are coming off. She is several months younger than all the other babies and is very different. I am thankful we got such a young baby. She is also the most beautiful, most perfect and most wonderful, but I know all the other parents are saying the same thing. The red thread, God and Nancy and Pam at homeland certainly made the right match with us and all the other babies. It is amazing. This whole time I thought, how do the right babies get to the right families? I knew it was just a leap of faith. Now that I am here and I see Elizabeth with us and the other eight babies with their families and they all fit. Only God could do that.

Here is another weird “Rachelism,” when I look at her she does not seem new. It does not strike me as odd to see her on David’s lap. I think it is because I have been looking at her picture since December and dreaming about her and imagining her with us. It is like she has always been with us. I am not sure if I have mentioned this, but we are so completely in love with her. Sam too, he kisses her all the time, loves to play with her and is fascinated with her. We have been working really hard to include him, give him attention and not let her overshadow him.